


Adventures in Learning to Live

by AnUnimportantCollectionOfAtoms



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Everyone Has Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Chara & Frisk (Undertale), Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Spoilers - Undertale Genocide Route, Spoilers - Undertale Pacifist Route, from frisk's perspective (mostly)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26762104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnUnimportantCollectionOfAtoms/pseuds/AnUnimportantCollectionOfAtoms
Summary: A bunch of Undertale one-shots/drabbles (mostly angst), not necessarily set in the same universe as each other or my other works. There likely won't be any shipping besides background Undyne/Alphys. Characters and tags will be added as I go and warnings will be in the author's note before each one if necessary.
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyyy
> 
> If you're here from my other Undertale fics, sorry, but I don't think I'm going to end up writing that sequel to FTFGSaOTEED after all.
> 
> Also: I don't have a schedule for this and while most chapters will be proof-read, I'm only human and I don't have a beta reader. Feel free to let me know if you think characters are ooc or you find any errors.
> 
> Remember to stay safe, wash your hands, etc.
> 
> WARNING: Vague mention of suicide as well as the genocide route.

You’re surrounded by the darkness.

It lurks under your bed, tendrils reaching up to grab you as you sleep. It looks back at you from mirrors, and it’s in the reflections on knives.

Toriel doesn’t see it. She doesn’t know that spilling flour gives the darkness a chance to wrap around your SOUL and squeeze, keeping you from breathing.

The world seems gray some days. The sun’s warmth is gone, and food turns to ash in your mouth.

Asgore seems to have his own kind of darkness. You see him pause every time he looks at the golden flowers in his garden. Once a week, he goes to the memorial that was built for the other fallen children, Asriel and Chara’s statues in the middle of theirs. He seems to feel better after, even if he looks like he’s been crying.

Still, he can’t see yours.

You can’t stand sand sometimes.

Alphys doesn’t see it either. She thinks that the reason you get uncomfortable at the beach is because you’re afraid of the water.

You sneak out of your house and head to Mt. Ebott, screaming until your voice is hoarse and scratching your arms until you bleed.

You stand at the edge, contemplating falling into the darkness’s arms.

Undyne doesn’t see it. She doesn’t know how the violence in her favorite animes affects you sometimes - how telling you that you need to train and get stronger makes you nervous.

You hate sparring. You dodge and dread when Undyne makes you attack her. She keeps telling you to improve your attacks and that you do barely any damage. You’re glad.

Papyrus is more observant that most think. He knows how little things give you pause, and he never has you use knives when you help him make spaghetti. He pretends not to notice when you take a shaky breath to calm yourself, just giving you an extra-long hug before you go to bed. He seems to know more than he lets on, but you can’t bring yourself to ask.

You have no clue if he sees it.

You lose hours to the darkness, sitting in your room lost to a haze. It makes your throat close up and leaves you to cry silent, choking on sobs and feeling like you can’t breathe. It casts a mist over your mind.

You know Sans sees it. It hunts him too, leaving him on edge and ready to summon blasters at any moment.

After a year on the surface, you’ve each come to understand how the darkness affects the other.

As you stand at the edge of the hole to the Underground, you hear footsteps behind you. You turn around, greeting your older brother with a tired smile and following him down the mountain.

You sit down at the bus stop at the bottom, leaning your head on his shoulder.

You look to the stars through the plastic roof. Visions of flashing blue light and a yellow hall float through your head.

You know that his nightmare was the same.

As the sky lightens, you stand up. He offers a hand, and you take a shortcut home.

The darkness isn’t gone, but you feel a little lighter. For now, that’s enough.


	2. Chapter 2

You stand on top of the mountain, looking through where the barrier used to be.

You take a step forward, feeling a chill come over you as you make your way into New Home. As you walk through the empty streets, you feel the ghost of something familiar crawl down your back.

You push it out of your mind and continue walking through the Underground.

As you come across a patch of golden flowers you set down your bag. You take out a watering can and fill it at a nearby hose. Luckily the power down here wasn’t shut off.

You water the flowers, pulling away weeds and humming as you work.

You continue through New Home and the rest of the Underground like this, occasionally pausing to give yourself a chance to let memories wash over you.

You’re only a little surprised that you haven’t yet seen Flowey by the time you’ve reached Snowin. You figure that he doesn’t want to talk to you, and you make a mental note to see if he’d be willing to come live on the surface. You can’t stand the thought of leaving him alone down here forever.

You pass through the Ruins without incident, and, finally, you’re back where it all began. It looks the same as when you first fell.

You begin working.

When you’re finished, you bid a silent goodbye and make your way back.

There’s no sound except for your footsteps. The crunching of snow, flowing water, and bubbling lava are your only companions.

You try not to remember the last time that it was this quiet, even though the silence is louder than any noise you’ve ever heard.

You won’t RESET. Still, a part of you misses the first home you had - the place you learned to love.

As you walk through the opening to the surface, you feel as though the metaphorical ghosts that were clinging to you in there have given up. You take a deep breath, close your eyes for a moment, and make your way down the mountain in the light of the setting sun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This one mainly features Papyrus in the neutral ending where he becomes king. I'm not very confident on this one, since I have a hard time writing him, so please let me know if he seems ooc or not. This also features my headcanon that Papyrus remembers RESETs, or at least has a good idea of what happens in them.
> 
> WARNING: Vague mention of suicidal thoughts as well as the amount of death that you would expect from the King Papyrus ending.

“I don’t know why I’m doing this. Sans would likely believe me if I just told him that I called you. He said that you were all on vacation. I’m not sure how he thinks I’d believe that.

“I miss you. I miss everyone.

“I’ve been made king. It’s...not much, other than wearing the crown. Really, Sans does most of the work. I’m doing my best to take care of the flowers, though.

“How many times has this happened?

“...

“How many more times?

“Still! I’m sure that the human will RESET soon, and maybe next time, they will decide to do better. I know they can.

“...

“Goodbye, Undyne.”

\---

“It’s difficult, keeping spirits up. I’ve been trying to organize a...well, party seems like the wrong word. I’m making quite a lot of spaghetti in preparation. However, I do not know if I’ve improved at all. You know how Sans tries to spare my feelings. I do wish he would be honest with me for once, though.

“However! It is better that this task falls onto the very capable shoulders of the Great Papyrus, rather than someone else.

“The flowers are dying. I am doing my best to take care of them, but they are wilting anyway. If I were less great, perhaps I would have given up on them by now. 

“...

“I’m going to remain hopeful. If I, the king, cannot be optimistic, how can I expect everyone else to?

“...

“Goodbye, Undyne.”

\---

“The flowers have all died. I am afraid that I am not up to the task of taking care of them alone.

“Usually, the human RESETs in a few weeks. I am looking forward to seeing you again... whatever route they choose to take this time.

“...

“I am...unsure of what to do. I must be strong for my brother, but it is...difficult, that he treats me like a child. He still assumes I know nothing of the RESETs. I love my brother, but he has a tendency to think that he is the only one who knows everything.

“What am I saying? The Great Papyrus is more than able to handle his problems by himself. After all, if I am not the Great Papyrus, who am I?

“I have not spoken to Sans much recently. He has been spending most of his time running what is left of the kingdom. I asked him whether I could help, but he told me to focus on keeping the people hopeful.

“I do not know why I am king when I cannot do anything.

“...

“Goodbye, Undyne.”

\---

“Hello, Undyne! I wish I could have gone with you on your vacation! It must be fun, wherever you a-

“...

“Sans was listening.

“...

“A vacation does sound nice right now, though.

“Goodbye, Undyne.”

\---

“The human should RESET today. We have never made it to tomorrow in this timeline.

“I will be glad to not be king anymore. I just hope that the human will be better next time. I’ll have to do my best to be a good friend and help them change. Maybe, if I do well enough, they’ll decide to let us stay on the surface.

“I think I would like to live up there permanently. It is very nice when we go there. Unfortunately, we have never been there long enough for me to receive a ‘driver’s license’.

“...

“I know that the human can choose to be good if they try. I will just have to make sure they know that the Great Papyrus will be there to help them!

“Goodbye, Undyne. I’ll see you soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no clue where this one was going, but, uh...it's done? I think??
> 
> The ending isn't very satisfying, but I can't seem to find a different way to wrap it up.

You’ll spend the rest of your life making it up to people who don’t remember what you never did.

Is feeling guilty enough to prove that you’re not a bad person?

Sorry won’t wash the feeling of dust-coated hands away.

Bad people don’t worry about whether they’re good or not, right?

You’ll never forget how it felt to kill them all. Every single time you swung your weapon will be burned into your mind for eternity.

Can you forgive yourself if you hate yourself?

Can you forgive yourself because you hate yourself?

Good people forgive. You know that.

Is there a limit to how deep that forgiveness will go?

You’ve crossed that line, haven’t you.

You don’t deserve- no, no, you’re a better person now. You’d never hurt them.

**But you did.**

You’ve chan-

**Did you?**

Bu- **no** -you wo- **you** **_did_ **-

No no no no nonono

Nononononononononononononononono

Do they hate you?

They would if they knew.

Everyone hates you and why wouldn’t they? You’re _awful_ and you know it.

They just feel bad for you, for some reason.

Or they’re scared and want to make sure you won’t hurt anyone.

Or-

... 

...You can be better, right?

Papyrus believed in you, even as he was crumbling into the snow.

He still does.

Maybe you should believe in yourself, too.


	5. Chapter 5

Fall.

Kill.

Repeat.

Fall.

Kill.

Repeat.

The routine is familiar. Familiar is safe. Familiar means you don’t have to think - don’t have to go back  _ there _ .

Leaves crunch beneath your feet as you advance on a cowering Froggit.

_ You’re being a coward _ , Chara hums.

Your blank face briefly shifts into a frown.

_ This is what you wanted. _

_ Oh, don’t even. This was your idea just as much as mine, and I’m certainly not  _ making _ you do anything. Besides, you’re deflecting. _

They’re silent for a moment as you swing your stick at the Froggit, watching it crumble away.

_ You’re afraid, aren’t you? _

There’s a feeling of cold that chills you to the bones, like a wave of icy water washing over you. Your EXP ticks up and you move on to the next room.

_ Hm...Are you scared they’ll send you back? Or are you afraid that Toriel will keep you just to replace me and the others? _

You ignore them and slash through a Whimsun. Its dust clings to your shoes as you walk through it.

_ Or are you afraid of yourself? You don’t think you deserve a happy ending, do you? _

You look down the hallway you just entered. In another timeline, there would be a few Froggits in here, giving you helpful tips. In this one, nobody comes.

_ No...that’s not right, is it? You’re scared of not being in control. You’re too afraid of living with consequences to leave them alone. You’re too  _ selfish _ to let me finally rest. _

You glare at the wall in front of you, your grip on your stick tightening.

_ Shut up. _

You have a feeling that if they could, Chara would be smirking at you.

_ Hit a nerve, have I? Honestly, I just want what’s best for everyone. This isn’t healthy. You don’t need  _ me _ to tell you that, though. _

You continue forward.

_ I gave up my right to stay up there a long time ago, _ you mutter.

They scoff.

_ Oh, Frisk. Don’t act all selfless. If you were that concerned about morals, you’d be letting them live on the surface and not subjecting us to all this. Do you  _ really _ think that it’s fair to force us to live through years of you pouting? _

_ Who’s this ‘we’? _

_ Flowey, Sans, and me, of course. Maybe Papyrus. But that’s besides the point. Does it matter whether the others remember it or not? _

Another Froggit falls at your hand.

_ Listen. You’ve got power and you don’t want to give it up. I get that. But you have to get over yourself. I’m saying this because, against my better judgement, I care about you. And everyone else down here...except Aaron. He’s the wrong kind of creepy. _

That earns a chuckle from you.

_ Anyway, I’m being serious, Frisk. Even if you don’t want to go back to the surface, they deserve to be happy. And I...I shouldn’t even be here. I should have died a hundred years ago, and it’s time for me to go. It’s time for me to rest. _

You sit against a wall, dropping your stick. Your eyes start prickling.

_ Hey, don’t cry. You'll be okay. Promise. And if you're not, I’ll have to come back from the afterlife and teach you how to not be stupid, _ they say.

You choke out a laugh between sobs. Your left side feels warm, like you’re getting a one-armed hug.

_ Hopefully your head won’t be  _ too _ empty without me here. _

_ You’re the brains, _ you smile.

_ Don’t forget it. _

You’re both silent for a moment.

_ One more run together, okay? We’ll do it right. _

You take a deep breath and nod.

_ Let’s go, then. _

You stand. You’re filled with determination to save everyone.

You fall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all
> 
> I wrote this a while ago but only got around to editing it today. I do like this one, however, since I really enjoy Undertale's soundtrack and it features a lot in this. (I suggest listening to the soundtrack while reading if possible)
> 
> As always, all suggestions on how to improve are welcomed.
> 
> Note: This chapter is in first person POV from Chara's perspective. If you're not a fan of first person POV, you might not like this. It also has spoilers for both pacifist and genocide routes, though the latter isn't completed.
> 
> Warnings for general death and everything you'd expect to find in the genocide route.

There’s music everywhere you go.

You think Home’s music sounds like a hug, and the theme you hear fighting Toriel makes you cry.

Snowdin’s song is bright, happy. It reminds you of Christmas carols you’ve heard on the surface. It’s too cheerful for me, but that’s fine.

No one has acknowledged the music, but it may be a monster thing. You’re not sure. I didn’t hear it before you woke me up, but I don’t care enough to think too hard about it.

It sounds alive, like the Underground’s trying to tell you everything about itself and the monsters living there. I think that sounds stupid, and I tell you so.

Sans and Papyrus’ tunes match them...pretty well. You’d say they’re perfect. I don’t like using that word, but I’d have to agree.

Waterfall’s song is peaceful, serene. Mysterious.

It’s almost eerie, just enough to send chills down your back.

Undyne’s music is loud, though not unpleasantly so. It’s motivating, in a way.

Alphys’ is awkward, even overeager, and Hotland’s is nice and tense. I like it better than you, especially the part about a minute and thirty seconds into the loop. This is one thing we’ll have to agree to disagree on.

We spend too long arguing about the motif we’ve been hearing around the ghosts and, for some reason, Muffet. It’s odd, how she’s connected to them, but none of our theories really make sense. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not too important a mystery.

I catch you humming along to the CORE’s theme a few times, but I can’t really blame you. It’s catchy.

Mettaton’s songs are  _ great _ . This is one thing we can both agree on, thankfully. The rushing wind and cheers from the crowd adds something to the sound.

The music you hear going through New Home is...well, we’re both silent through it.

We both notice one of Toriel’s motifs in Asgore’s song, though neither of us points it out.

You die to Asgore, and when you do, you hear what you think is your theme. It doesn’t feel quite right, though...like it’s an echo of yourself. One that’s just a bit different.

Maybe it’s really meant to be mine.

You don’t ask me about the voice we both hear, the one that tells us to stay determined. I don’t explain.

There’s a lot of things I don’t explain.

Flowey’s song has you shaking in your striped sweater, though you still don’t let me take control of the body to fight him. You say it’s your battle. I say that’s dumb.

Then the souls join in, and it grows hopeful. Triumphant. We’re almost to the end.

The True Lab terrifies you, with its choirs of tormented monsters singing. I’m not quite as disturbed, though I raise a metaphorical eyebrow at the journal entries we read. The Underground’s science departments went to shit after I died.

I mentally facepalm while you manage to turn the whole Alphys and Undyne situation into a raging dumpster fire. I’m surrounded by idiots.

Then everything gets weird. Sure, I was expecting a few of your friends to show up, but not  _ everyone _ . And I definitely wasn’t expecting Flowey to steal literally every soul in the Underground, though maybe I should’ve. I don’t understand what his goal is, and you’re too busy panicking to ponder it.

Then shit gets  _ really _ weird. I should probably be having emotions about my dead adopted brother coming back to life and mistaking this kid as me, but I’m too busy laughing about the fact that he transformed into his OC of all things.

He’s being so dramatic about it, too. In making all of these speeches, his goal’s become muddled and confused. I think he’s just drunk on power and looking for an excuse to kill you again.

I really wish I had some popcorn.

Then you do something involving rescuing your friends from his clutches, which doesn’t make much sense, but then again nothing about this does.

It’s over. Finally, the dead goat has regained his eyes and can see that you are not, in fact, me.

There’s a lot of crying and hugging. All that’s left is a lone piano and the sound of Asriel’s sobs.

The black void fades and you’re left standing amongst your friends.

The barrier is broken.

You insist on going to see Asriel in the Ruins, where you fell, before you go. The music seems quieter as you go, even more so as you return to New Home. You step out into the setting sun’s light with your new family.

Everyone leaves one by one. You ask Toriel for a moment alone, and she goes, too.

This is it. Everyone can be happy now. Maybe one day, we can even tell them that I’m still here.

\---

I’m awake.

What did you do, Frisk? Why wasn’t that enough for you?

\---

I’m tired. I’ve lost track of the number of times you’ve woken me, trying to find a way to save Asriel.

He can’t be saved. He doesn’t  _ want _ to be saved. Let him die like he was meant to so many years ago.

But you’re determined, and you think it’s your job to save everyone whether they need saving or not. You think you’re supposed to be the hero, and I can’t fucking stop you.

\---

You killed them. All of them. Down to the last Froggit.

I plead, but it’s not enough. You think if you just do something different, maybe you can save him. Even at the cost of every other monster in the Underground.

The Ruin’s theme is slow,  _ wrong _ .

Your face is blank as you kill Toriel.

It stays blank as you “meet” Sans and Papyrus, as you cover your hands in the dust of Snowdin’s residents.

You stop talking to me, even as I scream.

Snowdin’s music is much the same as the Ruins’.

You’re affected by the LOVE, I can tell. Your eyes are turning redder, and you start smiling every time you stab.

I hate it.

You step on Papyrus’ skull with a sickening crunch, almost giggling. You sit for a moment and rake your hands through his dust like you’re playing in a sandbox. You smile, tilt your head back, and throw a handful up into the air. You close your eyes as it lands on your face.

I’m rooting for Undyne.

I hear Alphys’ theme as she comes back from death and I’m not too proud to admit that I break a little.

She dies twice, and I lose hope that Frisk will come back.

Luckily, Alphys seems to become a leader under pressure. She’s evacuated almost everyone by now. There are a few stragglers though, and you make quick work of them.

Burgerpants is my new hero.

The shop counter is just tall enough that you can’t jump over it, and I manage to laugh at your attempts to scramble on top. I have to find humor somewhere in this, right?

I’m rooting for Mettaton.

His music is still the best. You don’t give him the chance to use any of his anti-human combat features, though.

You find a real knife in New Home. I pray to whoever’s listening that you never get the chance to use it.

Honestly, I had almost forgotten about him. With all of the death and destruction, especially after his brother, I’d thought he’d be helping Alphys.

Apparently not.

I’m rooting for Sans.

This... _ this _ is your song.

You die on his first attack and I laugh gleefully.

You die over and over and over, only making it a little farther every time. Frustration radiates off of you, but all that’s left on your face is a smile and those dead, red eyes. Your skin is ashen and gray, covered in dust. You don’t look human anymore.

Eventually, you make it past his first attack. You swing and...he dodges. He  _ dodges _ . Monsters don’t use their most powerful attack first, and they  _ definitely _ don’t dodge.

I let a little sliver of hope return, though it’s barely holding on under the weight of my despair. Are you still here, Frisk?. The body’s on autopilot, doing whatever necessary to get more LOVE.

Can you even RESET anymore?

You make it farther and farther every time, and he just keeps dodging.

This isn’t enough, though. You’re not a person anymore. A tough fight won’t get you to RESET, even if you can.

Determination is a physical thing. Logically, whoever is in control of the body is the one in control of that determination, right?

Guess this is my job.

Frisk only let me have control of the body a few times, but the motions are familiar enough for me to try anyway.

A mental wall blocks me. What’s beyond it can’t be described as conscious - just the raging desire for LOVE.

As you slash and dodge, failing to reach Sans every time, I chip away at the wall. It’s back again, stronger than before.

No. I’m not letting this happen. Fuck this shit and fuck you. I’m not going to just tag along as you destroy everything.  _ I’m not staying in the audience. _

The wall’s down, and I’m jolted into the body. It’s sudden, and I have to quell the urge to throw up. Determination courses through my veins.

I try to brush away the LOVE, try to stay in control. It’s tempting to let it take me over like it did Frisk, to give in to the rush of power. No worries. Nothing.

No.

I throw the knife to the side, meeting Sans’ gaze. He manages to frown. Impressive, considering the constant smile on his face.

The music is gone.

“It’s a long story,” I say.

The walls of bones and blasters surrounding me vanish, and he sticks his hands in his jacket pockets, sitting.

“we’ve got time,” he shrugs. “personally, i’d like to know who it was that killed my brother.”

“That’s fair.”

I sit, too, and do my best to explain. He takes it surprisingly well, for which I’m thankful.

The LOVE is still clawing at me, trying to take back control. It howls and rages, snarling to  _ pick up the knife do it do it he’s defenseless KILL HIM _

“so. you think you can fix this?”

I nod.

He looks at the floor between us.

“i want you to tell me. the next sans, that is. maybe not immediately, but...someday. assuming this doesn’t happen again.”

I manage a smile.

“I’ll still be here if it does.”

“alright, then. i trust you, kid. keep the other one on the straight and narrow for me, will ya?”

I nod and stand. I hold my hands out in front of me and a bright yellow light appears between them. It’s beautiful.

Sans stands and stares. He gives a lazy salute and I close my eyes.

I wake up.

I’m back in the backseat again. Frisk immediately starts sobbing.

It’s a long and painful conversation filled with tears, shouting, and apologies. All of the latter come from Frisk. I regret nothing.

I don’t trust them, and Frisk still wants to be a part of the journey. Eventually we reach a compromise.

We’ll have to tell Sans eventually. You’re hesitant, and I can get that. You don’t want anyone to hate you, but I promised.

You had Asriel’s best intentions at heart, even if your plans were seriously flawed. Maybe I’ll forgive you someday.

It’s tough at first, sharing the body. Standing takes a few minutes, and we fall into a heap more than once. After a while, we jog a lap around the flowerbed and decide that we’re moving smoothly enough for now.

We step into the next room and the music begins.


End file.
